Strange days indeed

I recently spent time away from all the traps of Civilization.
No Phone.
No Computer.
No TV.
No Blogs.

Sheer bliss, even though it was all hard work.

Coming back to Civilization, I noticed an increase of a certain despicable creature, THE GLOBAL WARMING CELEBRITY.
I am offering a reward to anyone who can curtail the growth in numbers of this rapidly breeding PEST.
Forget the Mynah Bird, the Cat and the Cane Toad. This new pest has to be stopped.

The best idea will win a copy of "The Memoirs of Richard Nixon".

Bullshit finds Bullshit

The instinct to know Bullshit when you see it, is a handy one to have. I reckon I'm pretty good at finding Bullshit.
Here is a photo. What do you reckon?

Yep! That's definitely the genuine article.
But some people have trouble seeing Bullshit.

Well if you know someone who has trouble, sit them down in front of this superb episode of Bullshit! by the brilliant Penn and Teller.

Hit the link, you will not be disappointed for the next half-hour!

Penn and Teller win this weeks Doomsday Cock Chefs of the Week. They cooked that Chicken up a treat!

"Oh my God, what have we created"

As the Global Warming Rooster of Doom prepares to yet again wake us up in the middle of the night, some Global Warming soothsayers are wondering if they have gone too far.

The last time a Scientist went too far with a creation it looked a bit like this.

Of course if we tamper with the forces of nature and unbalance the cosmic will of god, man will have to pay.
Maybe this fella might teach us a lesson for our sins.


No matter what beast goes out of control, we now know we are dealing with a monster!
Laura Hannon of website AccuWeather.com in her regular Global Warming Centre report, is beginning to show concern at the continued "overplaying" of the Global warming debate. Being a partial alarmist herself, a quick click through back articles show a slow caution at the Global Warming hype.

One interesting development on her blog, is the increasing need to discipline comments on the blogsite. The debates have become heated and it is starting to get nasty!

The thing to remember about creating a monster, is that you are also likely to create a crazy mob of people armed with pitchforks. This Mob invariably will act mindlessly in pursuit of blood and the evil "denialists".

Laura Hannon is trying desperately to control her small brood of Chicken Littles, but the mob is now unstoppable. Laura Hannon wins our "Global Warming Mother Hen of the Month." Well done Laura.



As a special treat, check out this piece by Sarah Silverman. Laugh? I nearly shat!

The Feathers are flying

Last week I thought the Global Roosters had wound up the Doomsday Cock as far as it could go. But I can now confirm the Religion of Fear has pushed the Doomsday Cock to ONE MINUTE TO DAWN!!!!!.

This week has seen a plethora of news about Global Warming fears. The bookmakers predicted Tim Flannery would become Australian of the Year, at this rate I predict a Tarot Card reader will win next year.
Here we see a recent scientific document from Al Gore and Co.


But not all Roosters are convinced.
Some Roosters are refusing to believe we are on the Dawn of destruction. Despite constant hounding, some brave sceptics are running them through the hoops!!


In other Global warming propaganda news, "An Inconvenient truth", has been nominated for two Oscars. One of the nominations is for "Best Original Song".

Hold on!!
I didn't realise Al Gore was in a musical!
That must explain what all the song and dance is about!
I can't wait for more Musicals based around Global Warming. Could we see titles like "Warmalot", "Taint your Ozone", "Dioxide Story"?
As long as it gets bums on seats, willing to listen to the Al Gore Mantra.
Here we see the cast of Al Gore's latest musical explaining how much Sea levels will rise.


We can all rest assured that school kids will be forced to watch films about Global Warming.
Uncle Joe would be proud.

( For all Polarizer and Doomsday Cock fans, I will be heading North for a while to sort out some dissidents. Those lousy electrodes just will not stay clamped!)

A Right Royal Cock-Up!

Global warming alarmists have started this year in full frenzy. I have only just started scratching the surface for DOOMSDAY cocks and they have come flying from everywhere.

Not to be outdone by common celebrities and politicians, todays DOOMSDAY cock is none other than Prince Charles.

His similarity to a Rooster is alarming!
Charlie is Jetting off soon to receive an award from DOOMSDAY head cock Al Gore. But jealousy within the ranks of the DOOMSDAY chicken coup, has led to criticism of his trip.

In order to appease DOOMSDAY chooks, Prince Charles has decided to cancel his skiing trip this year. So we will not see Chuckie perform the Rooster tail manoeuvre this season.

The alarmist frenzy has got to the point of Cannibalism. When one Global warming alarmist gets more recognition than the others, the device known as the "global footprint" is enacted.

Soon everyone's movements will be traced, and everybody will be forced to complete an accurate diary of every joule of energy expended.
The dawn of a Global warming Police state is upon us!

The Sunrise Alarmist Koch

For those Global Warming alarmists looking to combine the Doomsday Clock with the Doomsday Cock, you can't go past this product.
The Sunrise Clock!

Now you can see and hear when the world is DOOMED!

Todays Doomsday merchant is almost certain to have one of these. Introducing Channel Seven's Sunrise program Grand Chicken little David Koch!


The Doomsday Koch and his Sunrise cohorts have been beating the Global warming drum for a year now. They are constantly badgering their viewers to do more about Global Warming, of course all this with the usual Religious zeal that goes with the territory.
One of their mindless stunts is a campaign to reduce 100,000 tons of greenhouse emissions by Australia Day. They are certainly helping to achieve this goal by making unwatchable television pap.

One thing I do appreciate from 7 Sunrise is their Cool the Globe website. It is the one-stop shop for finding the latest insanity in Global alarmist scaremongering. Take a look, you are bound to find a brain dead celebrity or politician selling their Global Warming snake oil. It will certainly save my time searching for future Doomsday Cock nominees.

Doomsday Fighting Cocks

Wow!
Just when you think the Doomsday Cocks are heading back to their pens to roost, they come out with fighting words!
Here we see a couple of them fighting over how much publicity they are getting.

Of course when they are not fighting each other, the Doomsday Cocks are on the lookout for anyone not towing the line of the fastest growing Religion of the 21st Century.
Here we see what they did to "denialists" during Medieval times.


Today's Special guest Doomsday Cock is Heidi Cullen. Heidi is seen here posing for a publicity shot for her upcoming Reign of Terror. ( Or is that "Rain" of terror, the sort of rain that scared Global alarmists this weekend ).


Heidi wants any Weather expert who denies Global Warming, to be taken to special Climate and Mind changing Gulags, for re-education.
God Bless her cotton socks.

Diogenes Lamp
has a wonderful report on this neo-Stalinist purgeress. Uncle Joe would be extremely proud of her work.

Roast anyone? Sunday Doomsday Cock.

With all the great rains we've had recently, it my be an idea to see how the Doomsday Cock is doing.



We definitely won't be hearing from him today.

Our special guest Doomsday Cock is the kooky political commentator Robert Fisk.

Not only does he think that his an expert on Middle East affairs, he is now offering his ten cents worth on Global Warming.

Will the parade of Doomsday Cocks ever cease?
We will just have to wait and see if this trend wears itself out.

Saturday Doomsday Cock

It looks as though todays Doomsday Cock is completely lost and not sure what it is doing. Looks like we are safe for another day.
The Doomsday Cock is officially at 7 minutes to dawn.

Talking about being completely lost and not sure what it is doing, is today's special guest Doomsday Cock, Leonardo DiCaprio.

Here we see him explaining how much knowledge he has of science and World Affairs.

A big thanks to Bozwell from Its a Matter of Opinion. Another great blog from the Observation Deck group.
You'll find more info on Leonardo over there.

Have a Good Weekend everybody and keep those nominations coming!!

Today's Doomsday Cock

Today's Doomsday Cock is a long way from letting loose.
We live another day!!


Todays special guest Doomsday Cock is the one and only Al Gore!!

We will update this site on any new Doomsday Cocks, and their is no shortage of them!

If you have any Doomsday Cocks You wish to nominate for our updates, let me know!!

THE DOOMSDAY COCK

Most people are aware of the Doomsday clock.
It was a device used to measure how close the world was to mass destruction. The idea was that, depending on the existing world crisis, the hands on the clock would be a certain amount of minutes to Midnight. Of course they were referring to Nuclear destruction.



Above we see the Doomsday clock at the time Geelong last won a Grand Final.

Recently the clock has been used to measure the time left before Global warming causes scenes like this.


Well according to this guy anyway.


That is all about to change.

I introduce to you all.....THE DOOMSDAY COCK!!!



When impending Global Warming is upon us, the DOOMSDAY COCK will prepare for one last crow at dawn.
The theory works in reverse to the clock. Instead of waiting for Midnight, we are now waiting for the wake up call at dawn.
As it stands at the moment according to the director of the DOOMSDAY COCK initiative, (here we see him at last years COCK conference.)

the DOOMSDAY COCK is 6 minutes to waking us all up.
So make sure to check on the state of the DOOMSDAY COCK!!
Will he crow tomorrow?
Or will he be in the Oven for Sunday Roast?

We can only wait.

Evolution of a Sitcom

The art of the Sitcom is to grab an old sitcom and tweak it the right way.
"Till death us depart", was a big ground breaker. It established the central character as a bigot.
Warren Mitchell as Alf Garnett is unforgetable stuff.



The Americans throughout the History of television have borrowed from the UK.
The clones they have made are uncountable. The most successful of their clones was"All in the Family". Instead of Alf Garnett, we got Archie Bunker. The American version was as good as the original and the bigotry was sublime.



Although not as good as the proceeding, "Kingswood Country" was a huge success in Australia. Many of the catch cries and assorted Idioms from that show are still heard today.


The question that must arrive is, what next?
I reckon a sitcom of the old formula based around this guy is a sure fire winner.I think I have a theme song too, done to the tune of "The Nanny".
Can't wait for the first episode.

Newton's Law of Legal Relativity

A new defense of any crime is the Newton-Iraq principle. According to the legal representative of Matt Newton is concerned, as long as you do not kill 90 people in one day, your crimes should be treated lightly.

Poor old Charlie Manson should ask his lawyers to adopt this principle.

Ding dong dell, poor old Fidel

Fidel hasn't looked good for a while now.

It won't be long.

Will he, or will he not, get himself some Tomb worship.

Uncle Joe is back!

With the English cricket team sent with no apology to a Gulag and the Season break over, the Polarizer returns rested and armed with a new SU-100 assault vehicle.

Be warned!!

Who do you think you are kidding Mr Botham?

Ian Botham recently wrote an article for London's "News of the World", (possibly the worst newspaper in the English speaking world), that Australia's cricket is a "Dads' Army". He says the only thing standing in the way of an English Victory is England.

Well Ian Botham can kiss my arse!
Ian Botham is one of those strange anomalies in sport; a great player, but an insipid commentator. He is pretty much all ego and no brain.

I have here the new words to a familiar song. Hopefully we will hear it this Summer.

Please feel free to sing along.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE KIDDING FREDDIE FLINTOFF
IF YOU THINK YOU'LL MAKE SOME RUNS
WE ARE THE BOYS WHO WILL STOP YOUR LITTLE GAME
WE ARE THE BOYS WHO WILL WIN THE ASHES AGAIN
CAUSE WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE KIDDING FREDDIE FLINTOFF
IF YOU THINK AUSTRALIA'S DONE

GLENN McGRATH, WELL HE WILL STAR
HE'LL GET 8 FOR 21
SHANE WARNE BOWLS AT EVENING
WITH FIGURES 2 FOR 1

( Chorus)

SO WATCH OUT MR BOTHAM
YOU HAVE MET YOUR MATCH IN US
IF YOU THINK YOU'LL TAKE THE ASHES
WE'RE AFRAID THAT YOU'LL BE CRUSHED

(Chorus)

Celebrity crisis worsens. Introduced celebrity species breeding at alarming rate.

Australia's' Celebrity crisis is worsening every year, according to television statisticians.
The huge growth in the number of Celebrities over the last ten years, has caused some community groups to ask for drastic measures to be taken.
"Our country just simply does not have the resources to feed so many new hungry egos'." A Celebrity crisis manager warned. "With the new breeding grounds of reality shows like Big Brother and Australian Idol, it will be impossible to stop the increase in number and to accommodate their needs. Even now, Celebrities are running rampant across television. New shows have been invented to accommodate them, like the late night game shows and celebrity survivor shows, but these things just encourage the growth in numbers."

Celebrities have been a problem in Australia for many years, but the current breeding rates are alarming and the new species that are evolving are dangerous.
"The Big Brother species of Celebrity is particularly dangerous", claims a leading media scientist. "They cost very little to create, do not require a talent and they are pretty much media whores. The problem escalates when we start to run out of room in the media. We are already seeing these new Celebrities filling out guest spots on morning news and radio programs. What happens next is they start hosting current affairs shows, serious documentaries and Arts programs."

It is estimated that Bert Newton, alone, has consumed 20,000 hours of Television time in the past forty years. Some analysts say feeding his ego has already caused irreversible damage to the Australian TV environment.
"People become attached to celebrities like Bert Newton even though they don't know him. After a few years they become impossible to remove as they can set up a nest anywhere. Now his offspring have become celebrities and the cycle goes on."

A leading political analyst estimates that by the year 2015, up to %60 of politicians will come from celebrity breeding grounds. "The problem is that Celebrity breeding grounds are popping up everywhere. Even second rate politicians are being turned into celebrities and then recycled back into politics. Then we have to consider actors, musicians and sport stars. As Australia wins more Gold Medals, have more number one singles and win more Oscars, we increase the Celebrity pool and thus the Celebrity politician pool."

Some Radical groups have made claims that something must be done. A group calling itself F.A.R.C. (Federation against revolting celebrities), have called on the Government to cull celebrities.
"We simply have to cut numbers", claimed a FARC spokesman. "If we simply set a few traps at Australian Idol and Big Brother auditions, we can catch the most vile of the species. We would then have to target Television studios. Celebrities are easy to catch as they are not very intelligent and their egos' have a huge appetite. A simple mirror in a cage can easily snare a minor celebrity."
"Our problem with getting a cull initiated, is that people seem to love celebrities. Some people become so infatuated with these dangerous creatures they even go out of their way to protect them. It's a shame people don't know what these people are like in their natural environment. They are terrible!"

They're under Stalins' orders...Red flag flashing...

It is the 60th Anniversary since my great horse, Russia, won the Melbourne Cup. My love of anniversaries has inspired me to give some very important, but probably futile instructions. (much like my ruling days, but we'll keep that to ourselves).

Picking the winner of a horse race in my day was a simple affair.
I would look over all the horses in the race, decide on which one I wanted to win and that horse would win.
Without fail.
These days it is much more difficult to create the desired outcome. The only fun I have these days is trying to blindly rely on luck and fragmented logic. A bit like a S11 conspiracy nut.

Well here goes.
This years cup seems to be one of the more tighter fields.
Makybe Diva was pretty much a certainty the last few years,taking the fun out of the punting. This year should see a cluttered field and competition for postion will be rough. I would like to think that experience will count, but I think it will open up opportunities for some outsiders.

Oh crap, I'm just talking crap!

I like On a Jeune, it's Geelong Cup run wasn't brilliant, but will appreciate the longer distance and was runner-up last year.

Pop Rock is one of the two Japanese Horses and is good over the distance. Did not get a great run at Caulfield and will improve on that.

Geordieland is a UK stayer, who recently ran second to equal favorite Yaets at the Two mile. He drops down four Kilos and isn't here for a laugh.

My big tip is the rank outsider Zabeat. I have linked a story from NZ, that explains that the horse might only like big occasions. The bloody horse is a Hustler!!

I've gone a couple of bucks each-way on each and put them in a box trifecta.
Low investment, possible high return.
But most likely, will do my balls like everyone else.

Good Luck and happy punting.

World Tour gets dangerous. Ethiopia

As my World tour slowly creeps along, it has mostly been a pleasant affair. While things got nasty in Afghanistan, fun was to be had in Bangladesh, Canada and Denmark.
Oh well, now for some trouble.
Ethiopia is heading towards an absolute Shit Storm of Katrina proportion. If the news is correct, we could be hearing more about full scale war and insurgence in this area. It seems the Jihad called by Somali war lords, is cranking up.
I predict big news from here soon.
If you check an Atlas of the world and find the border regions between Islamic and non-Islamic areas, you are pretty certain to find a dangerous place on Earth.
Right across Africa, Kashmir, Thailand, throughout Indonesia, The Balkans etc. you will find no end of strife in these zones.
Ethiopia is caught in a huge vice.
Somali warlords, Eritrea and lets not forget nearby Sudan.

The form guide suggests, this Bronco is about to bolt out of the gates and go crazy. I'll put a small wager on it.

I hope we destroy them on Boxing Day.

Poms.
They've been everywhere throughout my life.
Room mates, girlfriends, work mates, team mates, clients, confidants.
Pretty much the same as Australians.
Generally a good bunch.

But there is something about Poms and their new culture vultures that gives me the running shits!!
I wish I could put my finger on it, but I'll just whinge like a pom about them and you might get an idea.

The BBC TV series "Spooks" apparently rates its arse off in the UK. A recent episode focused on an Isreali terrorist group pretending to be Al-Qaeda!!
Yes, it has got that Barmy!!
Just read the link and find out.

Questions are being put on the BBC about a recuring cycle of Bias. More particularly on it's news and current affairs, but increasingly the finger is being pointed at it's Drama department.
The BBC, much like the ABC, has had a conga-line of socialist suckholes running it's direction for a good 30 years. They have tended to push a strange Anti-Government agenda, that takes on strange nuances.

Things like:
A recent episode of "Robin Hood" had him reading the Quran.
The series "Rome", was seen as a metaphor of the corruption of Modern Western society.
"Spooks" is taking on Anti-Semitic overtones.

I noticed that resident Australian Blog Arse-wipe, Mr Lefty, was salivating at the prospect of watching the first episode of "Rome". I watched 5 minutes and could smell the lefty overtones quickly. I was happy it was pulled from the air as quickly as it was!!
As I said, I don't know what it is, but their is a feel about the BBC and ABC that really irks me.

Maybe it is because Karl Marx was buried in London, maybe it is a mass-psychological backlash after ruling the world, I wish I knew. Maybe someone can put their finger on it. Let me know.

Until then, LETS CRUSH THE POMS THIS SUMMER !!!!
For imposing their vile, soft-cock, lefty, media crap.